2010-04-23 20:27:05 by admin in Uncategorized (no comments) permalink
Dear Jasmine Breeze,
By now you’re old enough to read, unless I cheaped out and sent you to public school, which as of this writing is a distinct possibility due to my escalating gambling and Mexican speedball addictions. Regardless, you’ve probably figured out that you were named after an Airwick plug-in scent. I kind of thought you’d never have to know that, but as it turns out, Airwick doesn’t retire scents as often as I figured they would. Who would have thought Jasmine Breeze would be a best-selling fragrance? But it’s a great name for my princess. After all, YOU are MY best selling fragrance. And by “fragrance” I mean “prostitute”. That’s really what this letter is about.
Daddy needs you to step up your game, honey. I didn’t shell out all of that money for the skin graft just to have you spend your time at the park NOT hooking. The monkey-bars are a privilege, not a right. You’re 6 or 12 now and it’s about time I start seeing a return on my investment. You’re getting older now, and quite frankly. depreciation is going to kill us. The keyword here is VOLUME.
The longer it takes for you to make one of your “uncle’s” happy, the less money daddy has to spend in front of Jungle Gold, Cherry Fever, and 2001: A Space Slotessey. Besides, you like it when I come home from The Chocktaw Nugget and bring you those tiny umbrellas and swizzle sticks with the fun colored tips. Barbie looks just like a beautiful Geisha when you stick them in her hair. So, let’s work on that turn-around and get that number up. Now, daddy loves you, so this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you (in every way except in vaginal/anal pain…you’ve got me beat on that one) but I’ve got no choice: I’m upping your quota. Don’t cry, my little peanut. I’m serious, don’t cry. Remember why you needed that skin graft? That’s right, because when you cry, daddy can’t concentrate on the game, and he has a lot of money riding on North Carolina, and if he doesn’t beat the point spread, he might have to take a long trip out of state for a few years. So, it’s very important that you shut the fuck up when the goddamn game is on, just like I say every time the goddamn game is on, but it’s a point you seem to ignore, and the goddamn game is drowned out by the screams of “I’m bleeding from my money pot again, daddy!”. IT WILL STOP IF YOU STOP PICKING AT THE SCABS.
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